In the old comic strip Bloom County, Opus the Penguin once began
reviewing a movie by saying it "brought the word ‘Bad’ to new levels of
badness. It oozed rottenness from every bad scene…simply bad beyond all
infinite dimensions of possible badness…Well maybe not that bad, but lord it
wasn’t good." The same description could perhaps be applied to Warp Warp, a
regular candidate for worst game ever made on every arcade discussion board
I’ve ever been on. Very few games deserve to be relegated to the recycle bin
of history, but this is definitely one of them. You want to know why some
companies hate emulation? When they have a game like this in their past, I'm
I’m not even sure where to begin describing this…this…whatever it is.
The leftover fat trimmings of your $25 steak dinner, perhaps, is the best
analogy I can come up with. I really can’t say much more than that. The
graphics suck, the sound blows, the play control goes from suck to blow, and
the plotline (such as it is) is incomprehensible. You are this Arnold wannabe
with a gun three sizes too large running around shooting these really stupid
looking things that resemble walking mouths with their tongues hanging out
(must’ve been taking lessons from Mick Jagger or something). That’s basically
the whole game, except that you can jump in this thing in the center sometimes
that flashes "warp…warp…" hence the name of the game. (Get it? Isn’t that
clever? I thought I should point that out since it’s so subtle it might go
over your head) And when you do jump in this thing, it takes you to a
different maze where you get to do (drum roll please)…the exact same thing!!
Isn’t that just SO cool? I bet the programmers threw a party in the lab when
they came up with that revolutionary plot twist!!
If you haven’t figured out by now that I hate this game, and for a damn
good reason, then you deserve to be forced to play it for a few hours nonstop.
I can almost guarantee you’ll be begging for mercy before you’re even half
done. For the rest of us, if haven’t downloaded Warp Warp, you are doing
yourself a favor. If you have it only for the sake of completeness, that’s
okay, but don’t ever try it unless you’re a masochist. If you have it and
you’ve tried it, you have my sympathy. And if you actually like it…may I
suggest making an appointment with a psychologist right now?